(I wrote this originally as a reply to VisionKeeper's latest post, then I felt it should be a post of it's own. VisionKeeper says "self-love" is the answer. I agree and here's why."
We have a winner!
As a psychologist and as an individual who struggled all his life to gain self-esteem through deeds I can assure you the message here is bang on.
Loving ourselves is a must to release ourselves from prison, the prison we created when we stopped believing we had value and became conditioned to suffering.
The influences are legion - from your family's religion, to the education system, to the opinions of those we now call Cabal, came the thundering impression that we were somehow defective - and to correct that, we needed to perform like trained seals to get some external authority's approval.
The Cabal have known this for a long time. By Cabal I also include the leaders of major world religions, like the Pope. They all knew this and used it against us. We were programmed to feel poorly about ourselves. Abusive parents (who were themselves abused), abusive institutions, all did their best to ingrain the message.
I myself became a psychologist, partly to impress my family, partly to prove to myself that I had value, and partly to figure this damn thing out. Why did I feel the way I felt? And why did my life suck while others seemed to thrive?
It's taken 40 years but I've got all the answers I need. What I have learned is this: "You've got to Aim for Love, and Self-Love in particular, to draw it to you". So after you've given up your performing seal routine you start looking in this direction, and if you're paying attention, you will have noticed that the happiest people are those that genuinely like themselves, and treat themselves with respect.
So Aim for Loving Your Self and you'll get there. I've had my turning point recently and I can tell you from this new position that The Love actually Does Live in Your Heart and you'll know it at a gut level when you get there. Just Stay on Course. Every step brings you closer and at some point you hit Critical Mass - your Ego goes beserk - you think you're going to Hell - and then the Storm subsides. And Voila - Love!
Something has happened! Something has changed! Because lo and behold, you notice this new feeling in your stomach, this warm comfortable feeling that you can only identify as "I think I'm beginning to like myself". The course of action for you now is no longer "what do I do?" - it is "what's that new feeling?"
And then there's more - When you realize you actually Love Yourself, because you've identified that New Feeling and it clearly resonates as " Loving Myself " - then BINGO -You're there - You're Home - And now you "truly know" that Loving Your Self is the Most Natural Thing you Can Do - It Is Indeed Who You Are - Love!
Badda Bing, Badda Boom - That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Dr Moe
