DEEPLY AWAKE – READY
I want to write a few words, and I promise to be brief, because I have places to go and things to do this afternoon.
I had a miserable 12, 12, as you already know. And from the reading I did today, I really don't think I was the only one. Someone replied to my “Yesterday” blog that it was the perfect description of a birth. And, holy smokes, this is more than accurate. Abundantly accurate. Spooky, really.
I have said that I see these days between the 12-12 and the solstice as walking in a darkened hallway, lit up in a nether-worldly way, where the very stones glow in some odd fashion, etchings and drawings on the stone walls, real South American and sort of Egyptian, an initiatory walk, a journey. And each day brings us closer. But, to what?
That was my question.
And, really, after feeling a sort of suspension of attachment to the 12-12, when all was said and done, I was beginning to not expect anything at all, at all, on the 21st.
I think I may have misjudged this.
Yesterday, I received a download, I am remembering now, about a more functional chakra system. I saw the new system, and it was so quantum, so obviously superior in every way, oh, such an upgrade!, and then I saw, beside it, the old system, and it's SO linear, and SO not helpful compared to this other version.
And I really have no idea where I got that, or even what the new system does or how it gets activated. No clue. A complete blank. The whole thing came to me in the sneaky sort of way dreams sneak up on a person, mid-day, completely disconnected to anything going on, but then, BAM, you're in the middle of your dream about Martin Luther King and a baseball game.
Go figure.
So, I think I was at the metaphysical bookstore, but actually, I don't remember, just that I was in line somewhere when I got all this, I am only remembering now.
So, there's that.
And then, there is the new book coming through, just as playful and multidimensional as you can get, very funny and original and really just an enjoyable read, such a relief after all the angst and pain of this old thing, Deeply Awake. Deeply Maudlin and Self-Obsessed, more like.
So things are looking up, really, in every way. In every single way.
You do not realize this, but I tell you this, like a crazy fool, with a now, yet again, broken-down car sitting in the garage, and having gotten very politely fired yesterday from a truly hideous job.
Blessings, blessings, just simple problems to solve, snap to fix, really. I am scheduled to work Wednesday and Thursday, just not at the place I detest. My heart was black with hate for that hospital. It's a blessing. The car? Just a conundrum, that's all.
Still living on the edge.
But now I have a few more ideas, a few more bits of inspiration.
I called my old friend, Marge. My dear, dear friend. I asked her, because of all people, she alone would understand just why I ask this and how to answer in a way I can hear, “Marge, I just hate the idea of going to some nursing home or some hospital and having them hire me, when really, my heart just is no longer in it, and I am counting the hours until I can make money from writing. Not planning on staying, but lying and saying I'm going to retire there, that sort of thing. I just think it's very impolite, sort of immoral, to do that to a company. Marge, do you think I'm crazy?”
She said, no, no not at all. She's been a boss, as have I, and we both know the effort and expense that goes in to settling someone new into the team. It's a big deal. And to go into that sort of venture, especially a more face-to-face thing like in a nursing home, without my full attention and focus and heart, maybe even anticipating being well on my way to being published very shortly, well, it just seems wrong. She said, it really sort of makes sense, as long as I can make it financially, to keep just filling in, not getting too involved with any one place.
Then she gave me what I needed most, dear friend, she gave me sweet, sweet encouragement. She told me of the days she was a columnist for her community paper, something I hadn't known. She encouraged me to consider magazine article writing, and gave me some really good tips.
I told her what I'm writing now sort of reads like a screenplay, so gave me suggestions about a company here in Denver that has ties with Hollywood, and might have ideas as to what I shu=ould do next.
I sat, my world cracked wide open, once again, flowering, and blossoming, the whole tableau just as idyllic and sainted as any greeting card featuring Shiva or one of the other ascended masters. There, shimmering in front of me, dressed as I was in my jammies, stood a new, a brand new, alternative. A new way to think about something which brings ease and joy, comfort and confidence, relief and excitement.
Ahh, there it is.
Interesting.
Of course, the operative phrase is, “If you can do it financially.” That's the hardship, I have been so underemployed the last several months.
So, I had been toying with the idea of applying for a computer-based nursing job in a nursing home, or doing home health, and making myself a very firm and sacred one-year vow, that no matter what, I'd do this thing for no less than one year.
That's actually how I always do it. And if I cannot make that sort of energetic promise, I don't do it.
Hence, another day that I spent avoiding driving to one of my favorite nursing homes, to pick up an application.
So the real question is, should I trust this great enthusiasm I have for my new book, for this new endeavor? Should I expect great things very quickly? Should I be the ant? Or should I be a grasshopper? I do so love the grasshopper in that story. I always thought the ant was a prissy little homicidal, judgmental creep, and that the grasshopper had his act together, because he was out there, enjoying himself, in full-on radical trust mode.
But, you know, ants like to fancy themselves in control of it all, including another's life or death. It's all the same to them.
Can I be an ant, putting away cash for a year, accumulating a new wardrobe, full of highly unusual clothes for me, accessories, and teeth repair and presentability. Definitely a new haircut. The reward is financial ease. Abundance. Ease. Stability. Predictability. These are nice things to have, things I miss, and want to have again. The freedom to do stuff when I have down time, instead of being grounded, no money, once again.
I see that as an energetic state, and something to just put in that energetic ball, the old energy, full of writhing snakes, my ball of confusion, neatly encased in a shiny ball of smoky quartz crystal.
But, to be honest, being poor taught me a lot, helped me to appreciate the value of work, the unfairness and sustainability of the system in place, that it's the love behind a gift that makes it special, what is a need and what is a want, what it feels like to be on the fringes of society financially, socioeconomically, all that stuff, they were good lessons.
But these are lessons learned through restriction. Hardship. Comparisons and judgments abound in this neck of the woods. It's an uncomfortable, sad, lonely place to live.
I have found somewhere new, somewhere very comfortable, very familiar, and highly sustainable. I think each of us are waking in our very own ways, in accordance with our soul contracts and our strong soulic preferences. Some will use this opportunity to just skyrocket right through to God knows where. Others will be achy and uncomfortable. And who knows what happens to us all? With so many focused, in prayer, that day, that alone can bring about such monumental shifts in consciousness!
So I see that this 12-21-12 is an energetic door, hanging between two door jambs, and the 21 swings to and fro, to and fro, allowing us to enter and exit a realm we know exists, or we wouldn't be so frakking excited about it all!
So, I do think that something extraordinary will occur on 12-21-12, but it is simply an amplification, a heightening, of what is now readily available for us. It's just a matter of percentages now. Staying how awake, for how long, even in this, and this and this and this circumstance.
Good. Good.
I think they all know that we are ready.
