Sometimes I don't know when I am making things up or if they really happened. A few weeks ago I would have told you that I saw a light blinking in the sky and that it was totally a UFO. (Maybe I did tell you this, as this actually happened to me. It was blue.) Anyway, ask me now and I wouldn't be so sure.
I've been having the sort of day at work where I've needed to go to the bathroom every so often just to cry. This time I am writing rather than crying. Anyway, I've got the rest of the day to change it, right? And with the help of the Universe I am slowing turning the day around. This happened to me once before. I wrote about it here. That time I knew that it was an old friend, Mark, who had passed away that was helping me. This time, I think it's God.
I've never been much of a believer in God, especially after bearing witness to so much heartbreak in a short amount of time. By December of 2009 I had 0% faith in Him. But, that's another story.
So, back to my bathroom crying sessions... the last time I was in there I was sitting in the stall letting the tears flow when the title of this blog popped in my head. I found God in a bathroom stall. I laughed about it at first, thinking about how silly it seemed. Then, I put my head down on my lap and cried some more.
(This is the part where what I said in the first paragraph comes into play. I shouldn't be doubting myself about what I felt but it happened only for a split second and the more I think about it, the less certain I get. That's the problem, though, isn't it. Don't think, just feel.)
Next, I felt warm all of a sudden. But not physically warm, just inside of me I felt rather warm and tingly. I felt like I was being hugged from the inside out. Next the phrase "I'm here" popped into my head. Then, of course, my brain registered what was going on and it was like "God?! Is that You??!" I sat up and the feeling was gone as quick as it came.
I don't want to say that I dismissed what happened there, but I didn't give it much thought. When I got back to my desk, I put Spotify. I found a playlist a while ago called NME's 50 most uplifting songs ever written so I put that on to get me through the afternoon. I randomly clicked on a song to start playing and let it go from there as it was on Shuffle. The next song that played was Keep Moving On by Primal Scream. (Youtube)
I was only half paying attention until I heard this line: "I'm getting' outta darkness. My light shines on."
Stop. The. Bus. Synchronicities abound, right? (Maybe not considering the playlist was upliting songs.) But once again, I choose to believe it is so.
Now, this is what really got me convinced.
On my lunch break, I was walking back from my car trying to get my state of mind right. I started repeating the mantra of "Everything I need, I already have." It got my breathing back to normal. (From this point and before, all the things I've written about happened in about a span of 30 minutes over my lunch break.)
Now, fast forward to two and a half hours later...
I was reading through the Galactic Free Press in my RSS feed when I came to this article channeled by John Smallman entitled "Peace can only prevail when peaceful means are employed to obtain it."
I made it through the first paragraph, then just stopped and stared. Jesus says, "You are permanently enveloped in His divine embrace, safe, secure, and at peace, needing nothing and desiring nothing because you have everything – He gave you everything when He created you." Jesus was confirming for me what I already (thought that I) knew. I did find God in a bathroom stall today and God was there to confirm for me what I already knew, that Everything I need, I already have.
Everything I need, I already have.
As a side note, I've recently started praying. It's not a daily thing, but I do it when I remember to - usually on my drive to work. Most of the time I stutter and stumble over my words, never knowing exactly what to say. But I think that's okay. More interesingly, today was the first time that I actually addressed my prayer to God. Usually, I just start off with "I pray that I am able to be and radiate the Love I know I am capable of. I pray that .... " never really addressed to anyone in particular. No matter how you do it, your intentions are what matter the most. Never underestimate the power of prayer. (I won't anymore.)
Until next time, Love & Light to all.
For baring your soul
like this, I thank you. Having been 'upset' alot lately myself, it's comforting to see others so open about it, so maybe I can be too. It feels awful sometimes, but I feel it's old junk coming up from the depths to be dealt with & released, a washing-clean of sorts. Much love to you :-)
Yes
Me too. I try not to let my upset show in the "outside" world, but we are all here to help each other, are we not? So all those things I was taught not to do - crying, especially - suddenly appear to be useful. I am trying to stop wondering what I would have become without all that trauma. The phrase "Don't try just do it" comes to mind, but the people who told me that also told me that "it must have been a bad dream." Hey, maybe they were saying the right words after all! My parents. Or maybe it was Nike...
Yes, I deeply appreciate this message.
Astreia-Pixie
thank you
Thank you for the feedback. I used to be wary of crying at work, but now if I feel it coming on I just go to the bathroom and let it out. I feel so much better after doing so! I don't think it's something we should be ashamed to do, although I felt like that at first and would supress it when it came up. It's just a good way to release :)
thank you
Thank you for the feedback. I'm sorry that you've been feeling upset as well, just know that it will pass whether it feels like it or not. (That can be hard to remember, though!) I find that I'm not very good at vocally expressing myself, but when I can write it out (or cry it out.. or both!) I feel much better. Sending love to you! <3
Beautifully shared- so many
Beautifully shared- so many will relate with you, dear- so uplifting and truly funny in such a soul-touching way... Deeply appreciated- and I agree so wholeheartedly with comments below from Truth and my lovely pixie Astreia- nicely done gypsysoul ty- hope your work environ gets better- many more laughs to come
thank you
I appreciate your feedback. It's been relatively quiet here for the remainder of the week. A welcome blessing!