feelings

I have been sick for almost a week. Today is the first day that I am feeling good. I feel a million times better than I have in a week, but I still only feel about 60% healthy. I missed a lot of work and I have to be okay with that. I can't change it now, and I hope to be out of this job before the middle of the year anyhow. I just have to be patient.

I was supposed to go to the doctor yesterday. I did not. I don't like doctors and they probably would have just given me a prescription for anti-biotics that I'm not sure if I would have been able to take, due to my beliefs. I am glad that I didn't go.As I thought, this wasn't a "physical" illness at all. It was a metaphysical one.

I would imagine it all started with my last meeting with my boss. One of the last questions she asked me was if I liked what I was doing. Of course, the first thing that popped into my head was "NOO!!!!". I wasn't brave enough to say that, though. I said yes, and immediately looked at the floor.

I have always had problems with my throat. I had a cyst when I was in high school that I had to have surgery to get it removed. For as long as I can remember, I would get terrible sore throats 2 - 3 times a year. Always, I'd go to the doctor. They'd tell me "that's about the worst sore throat I've seen in a while." Always, the strep and mono tests would come back negative. I'd be given a prescription for anti-biotics and be on my way. Never was it, what could be causing this. Why are you getting these sore throats so frequently. Now I know, of course, that I have problems expressing myself and speaking my truth.