Serene Reflection

‘Tools For Empaths’ is the most highly viewed and shared post on my blog. It seems that many of us(myself included) often feel that we are at the effect of other’s energies. However, nothing is a constant and nobody is one thing all the time. It is only fair to examine the other side of the coin and see if we may be impacting another in a less than positive manner.

For better or worse, our interactions shape each other. Energies(much like water trying to find its own level) tend to move in a way that achieves resonance and balance. When these shifts move us to a higher vibe, we describe it as harmony and flow. If we find ourselves moving to a more agitated state, the experience is unwelcome and off centring. While we tend to find harmony more easily with some and feel less resonant with others, it is best not to make this personal.

Contrary to popular articles, I don’t think that a great majority are narcissists, self-centred, or ‘energy vampires’ wishing to gain strength at the cost of another. The energy drain itself may feel real but is often unconscious and usually unintentional.

“I love you,
Not only for what you are,
But for what I am
When I am with you.“

Roy Croft’s incredibly beautiful and profound poem goes on to describe one of the most loving and honest ways of relating that one can imagine.

Love in itself requires no particular guidelines or conditions to exist. But relationships are a different matter. They involve a mutual give and take that honours both person’s needs and boundaries while encouraging each one to blossom in the shelter of togetherness. No easy feat this. No wonder we often find ourselves struggling in our closest relationships.

We tend to make a handful of relationships ‘special’, with the mistaken belief that this particular person is responsible for our happiness. Ironically, however, as long as we believe this, undoubtedly, when they fail to co-operate and give us what we ask of them, these very same person/persons become the focus of our maximal anger and blame.

Creating an oasis of inner peace can be hard work. Actively interacting with a chaotic outer world often threatens to undo all that has been accomplished. Consequently, we may begin to minimize engagement with our environment. As a conscious, unafraid preference, this is unremarkable.

However, if it arises from a fear-based avoidance, sense of inability, and or unwillingness to face difficult situations or conversations, this option will provide us little relief or growth – because our perceived provocations are but our own projections.

Whether we retreat to the Himalayas or remain here as men and women of the world, we will very likely encounter exactly the same demons. After all, they live within us. (If you wonder about this, I suggest reading Tenzin Palmo’s experience as described in the book, “Cave In The Snow” by Vicki Mackenzie.)

Running away from the game of life is not the same as rising above all games. Resisting something only perpetuates it. So a defensive retreat can leave us stuck with the very challenge we are unwilling to meet.

There are two ways to argue with reality.

One way is to wish that someone or something else were present instead of who or whatever is.

That’s the one we tend to consciously ruminate over. The one that fuels our hopes, dreams, and aspirations. Drives us to positive thinking, visualizations and manifestation attempts.  Well used, it may also motivate, inspire and encourage dedicated actions, choices and behaviors that are aligned with our aspirations for our self and our world.

The second way is to deeply desire for someone or something to be absent from your life...

Do you find yourself struggling in a close relationship? Many of us do.  Despite a long history of spiritual or healing practice, it is not uncommon to yet feel stuck in at least one challenging relationship.  Whether this be with a family member, friend or anyone else, it may seem like this is the one place where there can be no peaceful resolution.

The temptation here is to treat this as the singular exception where we are not responsible in any manner.  But without taking responsibility, we cannot bring in change. Hence, we end up feeling stuck and helpless, blaming the other. We make our lack of influence here an ‘unassailable fact’ instead of recognising that it is our perception of the situation that makes it what it is. 

This ‘spiritual failure’ then lingers in the background.  It occasionally erupts with a surprising intensity that can leave us feeling all the inner work has been useless and we may as well give up.

While we may prefer that our experience of the world shifts smoothly from one phase to another, in reality we often have to deal with a confusing, overwhelming and uncomfortable state of mind and being, before things start feeling more stable.  Further, as we choose a more authentic way of being, things around us also start changing(often dramatically).  Your work, your residence, your relationships – all of them are affected as whatever is no longer in resonance with your new vibe will fall away and newer people and circumstances more in tune with you will enter your life. All these transitions can be overwhelming.

The following tips may help:

1. Pay Attention To Who You Are Becoming

We tend to pay attention to what is going on outside and this can make it seem like we are dealing with far more than we can keep track of...

Abundance, like age, is a state of mind.  Too often, it is thought to be limited to the digits describing one’s material wealth.  While in fact it is the space from which one operates. Abundance here refers to the experience of ease and flow in all aspects of one’s life.  It is being anchored in a sense of wholeness and completion, a sufficiency that enables graceful flow, harmony and generosity. Where One is not inhibited by fears of scarcity. Trust in Self and life is effortless.

All of this is determined by one singular aspect – the degree to which one is in touch with one’s true nature.  The ‘I’ that one refers to, and whose ideas of ‘mine’ and ‘not mine’ keep it locked in a sense of lack and insufficiency(whether it be of love, time, well-being or money), is in itself a false construct.  It is the misled aspect that has identified itself with a particular body-mind.  This, despite experiencing that like the mind, our body too is noticeably changeable.  Our embodiment in the womb, as infants, adults and then as senior citizens is far from the same.  Even as we observe these changes, we continually, simultaneously re-calibrate our idea of ‘self’ and thereby continue to uphold the mistaken belief that there is a ‘constant’ or ‘consistent’ person here.

Perhaps a deep rooted joy and peace does not lie in the pursuit of happiness, but in addressing the contributors to one’s perception of unhappiness.

Popular today are encouragements to think positive, happy and grateful thoughts. And if that comes easily and naturally, stay with that! However, there are many, myself included, who have discomfort with denying current feelings. Instead of ‘faking it’ till it feels real, I prefer to acknowledge, examine and allow whatever is my truth in the moment. The wonderful thing about impermanence is that no matter what it is, or how intense it feels, it will surely pass. But in the interim period, instead of arguing it away, or disowning it, here are some simple things we can do to help ourselves regain centredness.

The suggestions have been organized to look at things from a physical level, emotional level and then eventually from a higher perspective.