This past week has been a difficult one for me in a lot of ways, subtle but still apparent to me with my currently heightened senses.  Caution for the reader, if anything that I say upsets you or is in disagreement with your own sense of the world, you are invited to discontinue reading.  For some reason, I have become a channeler, not for glory, not to disempower other people, but to express what is currently upwelling from within me.

This past weekend, I attempted to sign up to a forum that had some interesting information about our ancient ancestors.  However, when the forum leader looked up my name (I had given Tazjima as a user name) she quickly found out that I had channeled some material in the recent past.  I intended to be respectful of the space on the forum and not present any of my “material” to them, however just the fact that I was a channeler was enough to make this individual feel threatened and so she banned me “forever” from the forum.  And that happened all in the space of less than an hour, reminding me of just how little privacy there is on the Web.  If you don’t want to be known as a channeler, don’t publish your material online; it’s as simple as that.  However, I did not write or publish my pieces with the insidious intent to control or prevent other people from accessing their own inner guides, far from it.  I do not think that this forum person actually read any of my material.  She was just not open to the very idea that there was and still is a continuous off-world influence in our world.  She is entitled to her opinion and certainly entitled to ban me from her forum, but I am also entitled to express myself and how I feel, even though it is sure to bring up stuff for other people who are not yet aware of the massive changes afoot on this planet.  These changes involve our galactic sisters and brothers to a great degree.  They are not here to be our saviors, but only as guides and mentors, to stand by our side as we step into a higher vibrational world.  They do this because they have walked through the same scenario.  They wish to assist, but cannot carry us through the changes; we have to do the work.

So, here I am an acknowledged Pleiadian starseed who is just getting used to that piece of information.  It explains so much of why I have felt uncomfortable in this modern world with its intensely left-brain domination, male-dominated, competition and power-driven society.  So much that is beautiful, peaceful and delicate in this world has been destroyed or is threatened by the noise, pollution and willful destruction of our living environment.  As an empath, I feel the distress and worry that other people carry with them in their bodies on a daily basis.  It is hardly any wonder that sensitive individuals look to substances to numb themselves from feeling this tension, using tobacco, alcohol and drugs to escape, at least temporarily from what they have been taught is “reality.”

Far from desiring to disempower others by channeling messages, I would like people to look within themselves and to discover their own power and beauty.  I have often been disempowered during this lifetime; I know how it feels in intimate terms.  An example of this would be the four years that I spent involved in a New Age church.  One thing I want to get straight with myself and my readers, is that when I follow something it is in response to a deeper inner impulse, one I cannot ignore.   Call it an inner itch that must get scratched or else.  Or else what, who knows, I just know it is a line of experience that something inside desires to undergo.  So like a deep sea diver I take a big breath and take the plunge.

Part of the plunge was leaving my husband.  Why would a sensible person leave a perfectly good marriage of six years to move to another part of the state, leave friends and family behind and strike out for unknown adventures?  Well, it is hard to explain so I won’t right now.  Let it suffice that I was feeling depressed and stifled within my marriage.  My husband would not speak to me at any length and never about his feelings.  I was growing in ways I could hardly understand and needed to be able to expand at my own rate.  Little did I know where this longing would take me but it was farther than I dared to dream.

About a year after my divorce I was successfully working at a job, but still experiencing an inner discontent.  I searched further and discovered a little group of women who had a leader channeling energies.  Our “leader” did not channel voices, just energies.  We shared our impressions with each other.  I was a member of this little group for several months when I noticed a book in the bookcase that had been published by the “I AM” group.  Up until this point, I had never heard of these people as I was brought up in a conservative household, with parents who were not very involved in church in general.  I asked if I could read the book and took it home.  In the book (I don’t remember the title) I read all about the Great White Brotherhood, St. Germaine, and about other ascended masters.  And within months of reading that book, I ended up joining a study group of the Church Universal and Triumphant.

For those of my readers who are associated with this church or any other, I apologize if I bring up things that are uncomfortable for you to read.  Again, if you are uncomfortable it may be wise to take yourself somewhere else.  I am writing what I experienced from my point of view.  I honor the knowledge and wisdom that we live in diversity and that each person is (or should be) allowed to have their own opinion and use of their free will as long as it does not interfere with another person’s freewill.

So, again with inner urgings pressing at me, I end up attending a four-day Fourth of July celebration at the Malibu headquarters of CUT.  I went without having a place to sleep or any fixed plans, but ended up meeting another woman at the airport who was waiting for the same bus.  She guided me to a woman who had opened up her house as a crash pad for the duration of the workshop.  Apparently it was all meant to be, as I was taken care of, found new friends and enjoyed staying up late to attend the various sessions, including some with dictations from various Ascended Masters and Archangels.

I was told by my new friends that the first dictation heard would be significant to one’s path.  My first dictation was from Archangel Raphael, twin flame of “Mother” Mary, mother of Jesus.  As a newbie, I wasn’t allowed into the main sessions until it was time for the dictations; the energies had to be “set” by the more experienced degreers so the Messenger or Mother as Elizabeth Clare Prophet, was called could bring forth the dictation.

For those of you who are unaware of CUT, it was an organization originally started as a church by Mark Prophet, the first husband of Elizabeth Clare Prophet.  Elizabeth took up his mantle when Mark passed away and quickly turned the church into an international affair, with thousands of followers world-wide attending study groups and traveling to the States to partake of these special occasions.  It was like a pilgrimage for these people, some of whom would only see the Messenger on this occasion after hearing her voice on countless tapes and published in the weekly “Pearls of Wisdom.”

The degrees that I mentioned briefly were originally written by Mark Prophet and were designed to fit the various “rays” responding to the seven main chakras of the human body.  The CUT set up their own version of the colors of the rays, moving from the traditional Hindu and metaphysical presentation of: red (base chakra); orange (sacral or sex chakra); yellow (solar plexus); green (heart); blue (throat); indigo (third eye or pineal gland) and; purple (crown).  You know I can’t even remember the colors associated to the chakras by CUT, but I’m sure you can look them up on their website or books.  Anyway, the organization seemed intent on assimilating ideas from an assortment of spiritual philosophies, much to the chagrin of the original followers of Mark Prophet, who had come from a more evangelical Christian background.

At any rate, I ended up living on the Grand Tieton Ranch, which became the new headquarters of the Church some six months or so after my arrival there.  At first I was waiting for the new facilities of the teaching arm of the church, Summit University, to be built.  While waiting, I was put to work in the construction office since I had some secretarial background.  By the following winter, Summit University was fully functional.  I attended the first class ever held in Montana, held in a large barn-like building, complete with stage and seating for hundreds of followers.

Living at headquarters was difficult for me.  We were expected to participate in daily degree sessions that started in the morning at 6 a.m. before breakfast and then again, after dinner in the evening.  Days were occupied at doing some kind of work for the Ranch, whether it be chopping vegetables, working in a greenhouse, running cattle, working on cars, typing for the Messenger, or like me, working in an office.  The Messenger had a whole building filled with researchers and editors who gathered information for Elizabeth to use in her various presentations.

Our life at the Ranch was controlled through the schedule (hectic), the work (lots), the pay (I didn’t get paid, I was a volunteer), the degree sessions (daily 2 to 3x) and free time (a couple of hours on Sunday before dinner and degrees).  Members of the church were encouraged not to communicate with their family or friends outside the Church.  Requests to travel outside church grounds were directed to and approved by (or not) the Messenger.  Anything having to do with the running of the Church and its publishing arm, Summit Lighthouse, was run by the Messenger and her board of trustees, including several of her immediate family members.

In short, most people from the outside looking in would consider the Church Universal and Triumphant to be a cult.  There was a lot of friction between the Church and the local community in surrounding counties affected by the relocation of headquarters and Summit Lighthouse to small Montana communities.  The influx of large numbers of outsiders and ones who purported to listen to a “channeler” were disturbing and disruptive to the local people.  The Church dismissed these controversies as being an “us versus them” scenario.  In fact, we were encouraged to take sides with the Church on all issues including political ones.  Degrees sessions were designed to “attack” our attackers.  Looking back I can see it really was a misuse of energy to do so.

I went to two quarters of Summit University, graduating in June.  Then I was put to work (again) working in the editing office, basically doing polishing up on old dictation texts so they could be eventually published.  After a month or so of this, I requested a place on staff, which would have given me permanent status at the Ranch.  The secretary for the Messenger notified me in September that I was refused a position on staff.  When the word got around I suddenly became a persona non grata, a person without standing or right to remain on the grounds.  So I left one morning in mid-September, a morning when smoke still lingered in the mountains from the recent Yellowstone fires that had been raging in the area for the past couple of months.  What was I to do?  The only ones I could turn to in the immediate future were my parents.

So I left the Church physically, but could not entirely cut  free of my ties to it for other two and half years.  It was my health, finally, that forced me to take steps to leave the Church, that and a persistent inner awareness that I didn’t buy into everything that the Church was selling.  The whole incident of the fallout shelters went miles to helping me cut free once I understood the level of paranoia that Elizabeth was preaching to her followers.  You see, we were supposed to have experienced an atomic bomb attack in the United States in 1990, at least from the scenarios put forth by the Messenger.  It is not that such a thing was impossible; after all, the powers that be have been attempting to outplay that very scenario for years.  It is just that I no longer wanted to be a part of such negative thinking and that my health was really deteriorating rapidly.

In the spring of 1990, I left Montana for the last time, although I did not realize it at the time.  I thought I was going to Seattle to stay for the summer, get a temporary job, save some money and then go back to Montana to do what, I wasn’t sure of at that moment.  However, when I arrived in Seattle, it was evident that I was very sick.  I was still fighting a virus that weakened my immune system and had lost quite a bit of weight.  From a healthy 135#, I was down to 113#, a good weight for a young starving model or ballerina, but not for me a woman fast approaching middle age.  After a while I decided not to go back and found myself in the midst of peeling away layers of conditioning that I didn’t realize I had taken on while involved in the Church.  It was quite a painful process, but I was determined to free myself and did so mercilessly.

Now what does this story have to do with channeling you might ask.  Well, despite what the Church claimed, Elizabeth Clare Prophet was a channeler.  Her “dictations” came from sources outside of herself colored by her very specific mindset and presented as messages from Ascended Masters and Angelic beings.  She claimed to be the Messenger of the New Age, like Jesus had been the Messenger of the Piscean Age.  In the end, she became just another sad burnt out person used by entities to get their message and agenda out, to keep the followers in fear and the outer community outraged.  In short, confusion and division was sown into the Lightbearers.  These were and are good people from all walks of life.  Many left the Church during the early 1990′s as a result of losing everything since they put all their belief in what another person had to say, without reservation, sincerely believing that in the process they were serving God and their own ascension.

I would like to say that as a new channeler, my message is pure, but I cannot quarantee that it is so I humbly request that all readers of said messages, my own and others, use their individual God-given senses to determine whether or not the information resonates with you or not.  If not, leave it.  Perhaps it will resonate with you at a later time.  However, at no time give up your power to another by living for each message and following what is said there.  Consult your own inner wisdom, whether in the form of guides, your intuition or whatever, to make the determination whether or not the information is “yours”.  Then make it yours to the degree that it assists you in learning more about yourself and your world.  Our world is currently undergoing tremendous change.  Personally I have discovered a few very clear channelers whose material has helped me sort out what is happening.  I do not base my personal decisions on what is read in these messages.  I will not go out and sell my house or quit work because of what a message says.  If any fear arises with reading a message, I immediately leave it.  Perhaps I have internal issues to work on, perhaps the message is part of an agenda.  However, I no longer allow myself to be driven by fear, but step aside and let the fear message go by.  I choose not to react to such material any more.  Instead I am determined to release my remaining fears and to move on towards Ascension, one step at a time.  The newly acquired “talent” of channeling is a part of that move, as I am opening up to a greater part of myself.  It has taken great personal courage to publish my channeled and other written material online.  I know that I can expect many people to still retain suspicion and even hostility towards a so-called channeler; I did so once myself.  However, to stop channeling and writing would also deny a creative part of myself that wants to share with others who are also in the process of waking up from a long slumber.  My descriptions of my journey can, I hope, help others to realize that they are not alone in their struggles.  They are not alone, ever.

By the way, I have yet to receive a message from an Ascended Master or at least someone who has identified him/herself as such.  I have been somewhat suspicious of the Ascended Masters for a long time following my experiences at CUT.  If they wish to speak to me or through me, they are exercising great restraint.   I will not be a tool for an agenda that wishes to take the power away from anyone.  I have experienced disempowerment in the preceding “in your face” manner that most people do not experience in their lives.  It made an impression on me and to this day, I will not join a church.  For myself, I would rather communicate with “God” on my own, without a Messenger.  I do appreciate and read the messages that come through others, but I know that they are not a substitute for establishing my own inner connections and doing my own clearing work.  We each have to be responsible for ourselves and to live in integrity with those around us.  Wayshower or not, starseed or not, I am a member of a community of men and women who are currently undergoing great changes in their lives, impacted by the greater changes the world is going through.  I will, hopefully, hold my ground and act as a beacon of light for those who need a bit of calming influence that I can give by just being there.  Most of them do not know that I have started to channel messages and so it will stay.  It is not for me to influence their rate of growth or to determine their life path.  Each one of us has to make our own decisions and bide by them; that is what mastery and being an adult person is all about.