I AM DOROTHY SMALL AND MEEK

November 23, 2012: 2:50 am PST

Back in the days when television was relatively new, we could only watch movies when they were "on." Every year at Thanksgiving "they" would put on the movie "The Wizard of Oz." We really looked forward to seeing that movie each year, although we did not realize at the time that it was a movie about transformation and other worlds. At least it was for me.

I recall so clearly how Dorothy, the little girl from Kansas, was swirled out of the black-and-white greyness of her life in Kansas into the bright colorful world of Oz. How they communicated through a "magic mirror".

My favorite part was near the beginning, when Dorothy's house fell on a "wicked witch" and killed her, and Munchkinland rejoiced with tremendous glee. As Dorothy came out of her house, dazed, dizzy and confused, everyone was singing and cheering and dancing with great joy. The "Good Witch of the North", Glenda, asked Dorothy who she was and how she knew to come and help them escape from their servitude. Then Glenda called, "Come out, come out, wherever you are, and meet the young lady who fell from a star.

She fell very fast, she fell very far, and Kansas she says is the name of the star." Dorothy was a bit confused by this, but being a brave and kind spirit, she was happy that the Munchkins were happy, although she felt a bit weird about having killed someone quite by accident and then being acclaimed as a hero for doing it.

Then she and her little dog, Toto, began their amazing journey, which of course included going to see the Wizard of Oz, to find out how Dorothy could go Home. She had to be quite bold in order to get in to see the Wizard, and then one of my favorite transitions occurred:  He announced himself in a puff of smoke behind a screen, and he said "I am the Wizard, Strong and Mighty," or something like that... and Dorothy actually steps forward and says "I Am Dorothy, Small and Meek."

That moment stands out in my mind, and remembering it I realize that is just about where I am at now. Like Dorothy, I fell from a star without knowing it and was truly confused about the whole thing, but willing to experience whatever was neccessary in order to go Home. Now, I am not quite just at the beginning of the journey, having lived in strange circumstances before. But I Am at that point of realizing that to be Dorothy Small and Meek is just as good as being a mighty wizard, although it is a very different role.

For Thanksgiving dinner, I was taken to a small restaurant by some very wealthy friends. And I saw things more clearly than ever before. The sense of privileged clan loyalty, the sense of entitlement, and the utter despair beneath it all. We've been friends for many years now, and they are befuddled by me. They know that I am intelligent, but they cannot understand why I do not value money in the way that they do. To them, having money means freedom - being able to go where they want, when they want, buy whatever they want or need, and feel "important." I love these people, but I always felt different, just as I did in my "family of origin" meaning the people who birthed me into this earth life and taught me how to "fit in." I do not fit in.

I was sitting at the table with two very powerful men, one being essentially the patriarch of the family, and the other being his brother-in-law, a doctor. They were riding an emotional roller-coaster, talking about how much fun they would have golfing in Hawai'i, the plastic surgery their wives wanted, and then quickly turning to concerns about the economy and how there are "so many whiners." The patriarch said, "They are silly people." And I, Dorothy Small and Meek, said, "Silly people are wonderful. Don't you realize that you are sitting with a Silly Person right now?"

They were quite disconcerted. They did not know what to say. It shocked them, that I would call myself silly - as I often do here, but You seem to understand it as a simple statement of how I am operating right now. The idea that someone would describe herself as "silly" caused a tiny chink in the phalanx of family. I had finally announced to them what made me so different.

Over the course of the evening I became quite drunk on lemon drops. I began to speak more freely than I ever had with them before. One of the people in this family has a "serious mental illness" and I spent a long time talking with him about his memories of Ancient Egypt. I told him that things were very tumultuous during the Nineteenth Dynasty and so it was no wonder that he felt the way he did, but that the Nineteenth Dynasty ended long ago and he doesn't need to worry about it anymore. I told several female members of the family that someday people will come to understand this "illness" better and realize that these people who come in with strong past life experiences, so vivid that they overshadow the "reality" we live in, are performing a great service to humanity.

As dinner unfolded and people became more and more huggy (except for the man who likes to give big wet kisses on women's mouths, who just became more kissy - and who began at last to understand that he could only kiss ME on the Cheek!!!), there were moments during which I explained to the patriarch some of the things I'd had to overcome and why I am living where I live. Now there is a history to this: last year he told me that he used to think I was just lazy, but then he realized that I was just a "nice person" and recommended that I get a job in a department store and just "be nice to people." Actually, that is how my work life started out, but I didn't tell him that at the time. Not last year. And not this year, either. I told him that I had retired early because there was no more work for me to do and they wanted me to just sit there until I got really old and left. That my conscience would not allow me to do that. That it made me very sad, losing my Voice, and that I am hoping someday to be able to use my Voice productively again. I won his respect. At long last.

Oh - there was also an interlude where they were trying to decide whether to call me "Madame" or "Lady." I mentioned that if I were a "Madame" I would have young girls working for me, and that I would prefer the title "Lady."

When we took the "schizophrenic" man back to his convalescent home, the patriarch suddenly realized how old the building was. I think that they do not understand his life situation because it is so foreign to their reality, just as mine is. The Ill Person was very skinny and told them he had stopped eating because the food there was "bad" and contained "poison." We were all very concerned and asked him a lot about the food there. He had been in the hospital recently and the place had not called them to let them know what was going on. They only found out when they went to find him for Thanksgiving Dinner and the place he was living at told them that he was "Gone."They will look for him again at Christmas.

On the way to take Me back to My "convalescent home for old people" - it's really not that different except that the food here is Terrific, the building is pretty, and the staff are a lot of fun to be with - oh, yes, and I have Keys, which the "Ill Person" does not have, and he was quite amazed to hear that I have Keys... - they talked about the dinner we had eaten, how dry the turkey was, how the waiter did not understand what "dark meat" was, how it really was not worth the $50 each that we paid for this puny dinner. We each had our own bar tab as well, and someone's birthday which caused us all to throw twenty dollar bills at him, and so the night with them cost me about $120. I did this because i love them. Normally I would not Even Think of spending so much money on a dinner! And instead of renting out the whole restaurant, I would just go sit at a table like "Normal People."

They voted for Obama this year, and they said the reason they did so was that Romney had No Plan. I contained my excitement at learning that they had voted For Obama, so that they would tell me more. They were grateful for the little presents I had brought them, a Listening Shell which takes your whispered messages to the Ocean, and an obsidian arrowhead with unusual deep red tones. I had also ordered for them ornaments from the White House Store relating to military experience and "E Pluribus Unum." I chose those ornaments for them very Intentionally, and they were grateful for my little gifts to them. The patriarch even mentioned that he was Amazed that I Remembered so much about Their Lives.

I realized that they were often in the same position as the family member with a birthday, throwing money at each other, and working constantly at making sure they had enough money to do these things. And I Felt Compassion.

When I got home, it was about 8:30 pm PST and everything was Very Quiet here, since many people had gone out or had family visitors and they were all very tired. I came up to my room and my third eye area was hurting terribly. I changed into The Nightgown That I Love - the turquoise and lavender one - and I suddenly realized that the reason I love all my nightgowns so much is that they are What I Wear when Travelling. I rubbed my third eye area Very Hard, and actually put one hand over it and Pounded on it with the other hand. As soon as I closed my eyes I was off and away. I didn't precisely "fall to sleep", I journeyed to sleep, going through another Crack in the Rock and turning around to look at Earth from a great distance. Usually when one of These Things happens, I just forbid myself to look back, but this time I was twisted into such a position that Looking Back was the same as Looking Forward. I saw many things I have never seen before and I think I was actually piloting my own ship for the very first time, except that there were no controls, it just moved as I looked. Wherever I looked was where I went. By this time I believe I was in sleep. As I travelled quite leisurely I saw dark broken pieces, like obsidian, floating in certain areas and the roots of trees and the Roots of Humanity all floating there. I saw many people waving at me, and some of them were people I see here.

I recall Felix writing "They are too lazy to become truly divine" and myself responding verbally to insist that I Am Not Lazy.

I've been telling all of You that I don't have any idea of what I am Doing, and it's still the case. I think there is A Reason that I don't fully Know and Understand - that my success depends on not understanding. I certainly would not Drop a House on Anyone, even though the word "Pharoah" actually means "Great House." I Am Dorothy Small and Meek, and the tornado took me up and dropped me back down into my bed to awaken in the middle of the night to a lovely mist. Which is Still There.

Love and blessings, Astreia