DEEPLY AWAKE - MEDITATION OF MOON

 

DEEPLY AWAKE – MEDITATION OF MOON

 

THIS IS A DEPARTURE FOR ME.

 

I am having great fun with all this new info, but finding it hard to structure it. There is a voice, or a feeling that comes on more strong now, and then it just doesn't feel good to use I, so I switch to “you”, but it means “me”, not “you.”

 

Whatever. Just tell me what you think, okay?

 

 

I was feeling like I wanted some answers, but not in a chip-on-my-shoulder way, more like in the spirit of curiosity and readiness.

 

So I did “automatic writing,” which I enjoy immensely, but have never shared publicly.

 

This stuff that I saw and where I went and what I was told, I think it is appropriate to share, because I am moved to share it, so here goes.

 

I had just been told who I am, what my thing is, and, once given the knowledge, the next thing I did was to ask a question about the others involved. And they said:

 

By your answer you confirm to us you have accepted your role.

 

Then I asked: WHAT WILL IT MEAN? TELL ME WHAT TO EXPECT.

 

They said:

You understand now this functional split and channeled split is a device. Use it because it gives you true permission to access that which you are neurochemically unable to initiate. There are some things your vehicle requires assistance with before the capacities are created. We have been working to center the charge and flow keep the lines flowing and what was once a trickle through a vein – oh you feel it too. It is a forceful geyser. And it is THROUGH you coming THROUGH you. Follow it now.

 

Then the words stopped, and I wanted to follow the feeling, and here is a little of what happened:

 

I could feel this plasmic forceful flow, but it was hard to find the source, and I played with it, and tried to feel it emanating from my cells, but I had a hard time with that, but I knew it wasn't coming from outside of me, so I finally just got tired to trying to figure it out.

 

I felt a shaft of crystal, like that light up crystal I bought that I put on a light up base, and that crystal was rigid and thick and really moving a lit of light, but it was very contained, and I couldn't feel it.

 

Then, it became a weird thing to be breathing, and be human, and yet I felt this other thing I wanted to do, but I was stuck, for a moment, thinking this was all pretty dumb. So I felt and I heard and I breathed my body, and then decided to lift it off of me like a raincoat. I decided to just set it down over there and see what happened. That was more fun, and I decided, while I was without a body but feeling frisky that I wanted to go see my dear, dear brothers. It felt so right, so I dived down deep and found myself in the ocean.

 

My brothers were very happy to see me, and it did not take long for us to don bodies we could enjoy, and we went inside some sort of underwater city, but it wasn't wet, it was beautiful with lots of colors and it was just lovely.

 

I remember loving being with my brother, and at one point I said something about my life, just saw my littlelife, the Kathy Vik one, and I was I guess troubled about something, maybe, and he just said, “What is it that you want?”

 

And the next thing I knew, I was on the top of a cliff, overlooking a sunset, overlooking the sea. It was beautiful.

 

And then, it was night, and there I was in the middle of a family, and everyone loved everyone else, and no one held any bad thoughts about anyone else, of course, because they were gentle and loving people and they loved me so, so much, and the love I felt for them was solid and sure and happy. I had people sitting all around me, you know, when a bunch of people sort of make a couch with their own bodies, and we were sitting there, in love, looking at a black sky with a very white, full moon.

 

And I felt peace, connection, certainty, and a sense of place.

 

I knew this was not Earth, but was home, and I was with my own people. I was being given a gift of peace, of rest, of love.

 

And then, the moon caught my curiosity. It was so white, so round.

 

And then the moon, I decided it would be a good thing to be there, so I went into that white light, and I knew then that it was only reflective.

 

I bent, as the light rays did, and I found where the light was coming from. I went straight up, and this is nice, because often in meditation, things are not square and level and true, but this was. I went up to the moon at like a 110 degree angle, and then, once there, I just went straight up.

 

It was the Great Central Sun.

 

Now, in that light, I was told many things, but here is what was the most shocking and beautiful and simple and holy: Most inhabited planets have a two sun system. It allows the physics of creation, and it is normal, it is good.

 

We, as you have noticed, have only one sun, and there is a reason for this. It is because EACH OF US CONTAINS WITHIN US THE CREAT CENTRAL SUN'S TWIN.

 

I was so moved, feeling this sun without, within, there is no without, there is no within. But it is set up to create all the manifestations in front of me, and it is sainted and lighted.

 

I understood that these gamma bursts, these celestial events, these energetic changes that are occurring are hitting us and changing us so much because we are being activated to remember that we contain within us, each of us, a sun.

 

And what is within me is within you and within each of us, every single one of we humans. And the sun each of us holds is not less than or smaller or less significant than the Great Central Sun. That is just bad thinking. That is not true. It is not possible to diminish this light. That it is in prism does not change its beauty. It intensifies, changes, alters, glorifies the beauty, the reason for the glorification, the light.

 

And these celestial things effect US because they effect the Great Central Sun. We are affected by celestial events because each of us is, in living, breathing, bleeding, bitching, laughing physical form, each of us IS a celestial event.

 

And then there came a moment of truth, and I don't remember a lot of it, but it became just so obvious that we are creators, each of us, and that that means me, too, not just everybody else. Me too. Little, simple, plain, me. I am a creator god in a physical vehicle I happen to like very, very much. I crafted my body myself, with the help of Gaia.

 

And I understood that this phrase that has been a part of me since birth, a phrase that has calmed and steadied me through things I will never recount, this phrase has assisted me. And it is this: Not my will, but thine be done.

 

And in that time of being on a cliff with my family while being in a Pleadian moon while being with the Great Central Sun while breathing slowly upon my unmade bed, I got it.

 

This requires correction, the phrase “Not my will but thine be done.”

 

Thy will be done.

 

My will be done.

 

But, really, isn't it more true to know that it is OUR WILL BE DONE?

 

And there it was.

 

The truth is this: “Our will be done.”

 

And so I came out of meditation understanding that the littlemind problems which face me, these are things that can be managed, and most of them are symptoms of fear, and of unwillingness, of not being in truth with what was desired, and refusing to claim that which I had created.

 

So that is over now, and it is now time to see that there is nothing here to hate, nothing to fear, and nothing to resent.

 

And every single person I meet, for the rest of our days, will have a Central Sun blazing inside of them, when I am with them, because I will be able to feel it, because I know that mine is real. And if mine is real, yours must be too, because I am not special at all. I am a 52 year old 5'2 overweight single mom who works as a nurse in Denver. I'm as plain as mashed potatoes. And now, everywhere I go, I will know that there is the Great Central Sun blazing in my chest.

 

And when it was all over, I had a little talk with myself in my mirror. I looked into my eyes. I appreciated my massive, amorphous breasts, my short legs, my graying hair, my sleep clothes, my unmade bed, my flat feet, my beady little eyes glinting beneath my silly cat glasses.

 

I saw it all.

 

I saw me as a kid, and as a young woman, and as that wiry 60 year old who has always haunted me, calling to me, inviting me to the good life, who I have always known to be me, but never quite figured out how the two of us will wind up meeting... I saw it all, and it is then that I did something that I really did not expect.

 

I smiled.

 

I saw it and I felt it and I loved it. All of it. The lumpy boobs. The huge feet. The lined face. All of it.

 

Loved it all.

 

The portions of me I have only held in contempt, the ways I have expressed that have brought trouble on me like hard rain, all of it. And I saw my good too, and that is a relief, to finally see that. To look in the mirror and know, finally just know, that it is fine to be here, there is a place for me here, and it is here in my feet. This is my place. I heave earned my ticket, I am here, it is real, and I am doing it all, and it is quite fun and enjoyable, really.

 

But, see, that is only half of it. There is so much more. And it does not involve me telling you how you could be doing YOU better. It is not for me to tell you how to do your own God. I can only tell you what I have done.

 

And it is through this that I have a peace which passes all understanding, because I know now that I can afford to love you.

 

When it is hard, and bombs are flying, and you are afraid for you life, and you wonder if this is it, you are loved. And when the sheriff comes to your door because today is eviction day, you are loved. And when your husband has too much to drink and once again uses you like a Kleenex, you are loved. When you eat a good meal that just hits the spot, you are loved. And whethere the bills get paid or not, whether you lay your head down tonight on the pillow of a jail cell or in a mansion, you are loved. You are no better and no worse than anyone else. How could you be? Everyone is just as miraculous as you. Some of them don't know it yet, and that is all. That is all. That is all.

 

And do you know who is loving you, loving you through every challenge and every crisis and every single thing you just know you cannot do?

 

You. God. Together, you and God and a whole roomful, a whole planet full, a whole universe filled with nothing but a desire to HELP and to LOVE and to set right and bring into alignment with love that which desires it. They are all loving on you so hard, so much, all the time.

 

And I sat there looking at myself, and I realized that this is a very, very good disguise.

 

I am nothing to look at, and I know now what it is that often repels people from my interpersonal reality. I don't hate anybody for that now. It's ok. I take pleasure in connection, and it can be at any old level.

 

But here is the thing.

 

This is construction. There is a life being built here.

 

After talking for a long time yesterday with my old friend Diane, and then riding the sweet sounds of Kryon in the evening and into the night, I have come to understand that I am so very very blessed, and I am an acquired taste.

 

I know now that this has been my only mission, and I am ready to admit it. I found nursing and all of it tedious and slow and coarse, and yet every shift, every moment I spent on the job was a prayer in motion, and the only thing I am really left with is sort of an ache that I didn't love it as much as I could have. Had I understood the reason and the purpose, it would have been easier, but clearing all this angst and confusion has been the point, in a way.

 

How to get out of my own way and be able to be the one in the room who holds an open heart. Hasn't that been a big part of this?

 

How do I get out of my own way and just radiate, just give? How do I get there?

 

Isn't that what it's all about? It is the only reason I draw breath. To know peace. To really know it, so much, so deeply, that it can never go away. What else is there? What? Tell me? I know what it is like to have everything one's heart desires, to have every material thing you want. The perfect house, job, husband, socioeconomic strata, and while there, I have to tell you, that's when death was my constant friend. The deeper I got into what others think is living, the more death came to visit me. Car wrecks. Threats. Pneumonia. Comas. No joke.

 

There came a time for me that it no longer mattered to me to look for peace. I had come to interpret things in such a way that I had no evidence that inner peace, everlasting peace, was not possible, and the best I could do was to tread water, and those were my worst years. Yes, I had friends, because a lot of people are treading water. But I was sad and I was lost and I was as close to leaving the planet then, in those years, than I ever came.

 

And it was all quite purposeful, all that pain. Yep.

 

The purpose?

 

Oh, God, I hate to admit it, but it was to understand opposites.

 

And now I know that which is me and that which is not. That which feels good to me, and that which does not. And this last stretch of the road gave me this gem: That which feels good to me is that which I unfailingly, with honor and dignity, pursue, with diligence and honor and respect and care and love.

 

That's it.

 

Because what has come to me is that if I feel something, anything at all, is good for me, whether it be a cappuccino or a date or a new job or whatever, then it is good for me. I have finally given myself permission to be my own authority on these matters.

 

What of the others, the ones I lament about, the ones who could flip me into hating myself with a glance, a murmured rumor, a hateful comment, telling me in no uncertain terms that I am not acceptable the them? The ones who refuse to accept me as I am? What of the shift I am about to go do, and all the hate and weirdness there? Can I hold my own? Will I get sucked into madness again? Will I have a good shift?

 

Here's the thing. I know now that I will ride moment to moment through a bunch of other people's dramas tonight. And the idea is to see them for what they are. Very real, very captivating conversations people are having with themselves through the metaphors of illness and group dynamics.

 

And I will join in the conversation when I feel it is appropriate, if I can help, if I have something to say that is helpful and right, but here is the thing.

 

Since last week, there is a stillness which has settled onto me, and a knowing that I cannot shake. And it is one which tells me that I only have one job, and I keep bringing up all this other stuff, all the what if's and all the low grade insecurities that just go along with not manifesting very well, and then it comes through, clear and pure and true. All you have to do is love. That's it. That is it.

 

That is the ONLY requirement, and it isn't even a requirement. It is a choice, and it is always available, tucked away in the folds of that argument and that sniff of indifference. It is a choice, and it is a simple one, but it requires taking on some responsibility.

 

 

Now I am being told something:

 

Everyone has within them a part of the All, and now you know this to be a physical attribute which cannot be measured but is real and functions in physicality, so it must be considered “real.” We are referencing the DNA.

 

If you know this, then remember when you did not. Do you remember just six months ago, being without a car, without money and without a plan? While that shift was occurring you did not know that you had within you the second sun that is necessary for this physical life. You did not understand that you indeed are physically creating this moment to moment.

 

Now you do.

 

And now you can no longer deny your knowledge, that everyone you have ever encountered also dwells within their own sun. And they have forgotten this key fact.

 

Your pain, six months ago, through your lifetime, was the frustration of a creator being very dissatisfied with the creations she was producing. This dissatisfaction is primal and unspoken and it creates anger and self recrimination and a victim filter through which data then flows.

 

Frustrated creators can get a little out of hand. You are seeing creators awakening to their true power, and one by one, they will understand the errors in their thinking, and they will then carry less shame, and so the mistakes can be corrected, the new data assimilated, the project continues.

 

It is just interference, caused by frustration at not knowing the truth.

 

Everyone, dear heart, knows the truth in their heart. And they feel you walking through the halls tonight, every step just happy in the truth of your safety and completion, and this helps. Let them be startled and let them get mad. Why wouldn't they? And show them what you do, and do not give lessons.

 

You like peace. You prefer it. You like thinking of yourself and others highly. You prefer it. You like being happy, being content. You prefer it. And so, moment to moment, you create it. And sometimes the peace is accepted, and sometimes there is resistance, but it is a balm and it really cannot hurt anyone.

 

You cannot hurt anyone, and your energy is NOT an imposition.

 

This was a helpful metaphor to use as you were changing, to have a sense of otherness was important, because you had issues around that.

 

We know you have considered it and we would like to confirm that there are many reasons for the trials you set ahead of you, but one reason was to make certain you were boxed in so tight that every single thought you had did indeed get the attention it deserved. Your thoughts, your thinking needed to be compressed and brightened, honed, clarified, focused.

 

Here is the thing.

 

This is a very big light, and you squeeze it into your writing, and we can come through very loud there. And you can then squeeze it into the confines of your nursing job, but see, why would you not have discomfort in that environment? You can see and feel this squeezing even now. But you are missing the point if you lose yourself in lamenting a broken system.

 

You are sent, and you always have been, to these people's bedside, by arrangement, by agreement. The patients and staff you help and speak with and laugh with tonight, they have asked for you, and they are waiting for you. You are waiting for them. They are anticipating your presence.

 

Stop seeing things so small.

 

When it is right, you will be told who to approach, and you will offer “Healing Touch” to someone who seems open. And it will feel naughty but it will feel right, and then you will be on your way. You know you have permission because it is a modality that is in the drop down box. You know you have permission to administer it, and further, you know that no one really knows what “Healing Touch” is, and so we tell you now, this is what can make things more fun for you.

 

We will tell you and you will know and you will run your light and color and sound and you will both know you were in the right time and the right place, and you will have known you were just given a beautiful gift from one of your family. Someone will give you this and you will then know that you are in the right place.

 

And wherever you find yourself, from now on, there is only one thing to do and that is to love. Love everything and love everyone. Find out what makes your colleagues happy. Find out what their hobbies are.

 

You need not worry about name calling anymore, because you know the truth. How can someone who does not know what you know tell you that what you know is wrong? If your boy comes up to you and tries to argue with you that it is day and you know it is night, what do you do? We use this example because he gave this to you to use now.

 

He came to you convinced it was dawn, and you, in slumber, initially agreed. And then it became clear to you that it was indeed dusk. And yet, your boy was not ready to know that it was nighttime and not day. It would have caused him anger and upset, had you told him when you became aware, because he was still in a different reality, the “I gotta get up for school” reality. Do you see? And what did you do?

 

You let him go on resting.

 

That is what you did.

 

Because it was a kind thing to do. Because you love him. Because you know what it means to sleep. And you know what it means to realize that that which you believe is true is false.

 

And when he began to stir, and he became more aware, he first realized that things were not as they had been, not as he'd thought. He had anticipated daylight, and yet it had gotten dark. He had dissonance, and a little bit of panic. Do you remember dear?

 

Still just stirring, not yet awake, knowing something was off.

 

Who else does this remind you of? Yes. There you go.

 

And you let him slumber until you knew it was time, and it was time when he said, “Is it night or is it day?”

 

It is then that you assisted him.

 

We commend you on your timing, and we honor you both for allowing this lesson to be delivered, contemplated and then used so well.

 

So do not stir your sisters and brothers. Let them have their slumber. Sleep is good and fun and wholesome and there ain't nothin' wrong with it at all. It is not an inferior state. It is one state of many.

 

 

So here is how I will put this together.

 

Tonight I guess I will go into work thinking that I am there by appointment. And the people I am touching and talking to, even if they act like jerks, asked me to come. If that is the case, then it changes a few things.

 

I can think of myself any way at all. I think tonight, this weekend, I will go to work thinking of myself as an honored guest. And the hosts and the other party goers have forgotten that they sent me an invitation, but they recognize that now the party can get started. And they will give me gifts, and I will give them gifts, and we will have fun, but I am a guest at a party, so I know there will be a time to go home, and that this is finite, and that we can make our party tonight and tomorrow night just as joyous or as awkward or sad or intense as any party I've ever attended. And I am an honored guest.

 

I like that.

 

This whole thing started because I am just beginning to get what all of this means, and how unusual I might be, and it got a little overwhelming, a little scary. So I told “them” that, that I was not sure what all of this meant.

 

And that is what came.

 

I am done with this now. I need to make more coffee and go take a shower. I am missing the 2^nd year anniversary of Mile Hi Kirtan tonight, and that is a drag. Tomorrow I a missing the 4-20. That is a drag. So, if I am giving away all that fun, these shifts better fucking rock.