ascension

HOMECOMING

Your greed is the burden I carry

Injured, shaken, needing relief

From a collision of desire and lack

right down the street

Knowing I deserve

the ease you now take for granted

In which you may never indulge

Some monk you make

meditating on your mountain of money

Issuing indulgences to your flock

Willing this dream, that nightmare tableau to

burst into life fully formed and

hungry

I want to go home, to rest among the remaining things which

have long exhausted their futility,

Fearing I am heading to their quiet knowledge.

The undiscarded

The utilitarian

The long suffering and

sturdy objects which endure after sister and brother have

found adventure and separation in

pawn consignment second hand shops

These low places have

consumed everything that

seemed like a good idea at the time

Before the flood

Before this freeze

DEEPLY AWAKE – OUR LEADERS

I spoke with my dad this morning about this presidential race. He is 75, highly astute politically, and has an uncanny ability to call out falsehood and affectation.

He said that Romney reminds him of when Hitler was voted into office by Germany. There was desperation and retribution in the air, and Hitler seized upon it. He promised prosperity. Some of the Germans knew prosperity. They became part of the war machine. He said if Romney does get in, we will have a certain kind of prosperity, because we will have perpetual and amplified war. That our leaders are puppets, and each bring their own kind of trouble.

It takes a consummate liar to turn from understanding that in Germany, as in America, killers have been, are and will be granted full authority and immunity by the victims, just to keep it tidy and legal. If you are filled with venom for your fellow man, thinking of them as inferior or separate, it is easy to travel to the place where a “their own good” mantra will make you doubly dangerous.

I think we have a choice between willful incarceration, or the slow, shambling walk of a crippled and terminal empire, so filled with disgust for the governed, that nothing short of ignoring it all will make it better.

DEEPLY AWAKE – CHALICE AND THE VOID

Although there is not one thing on this Earth, or above, that is not without humor, absurdity, mischief, there is a subject on which I am intimately familiar which cannot be made fun of. It is a singular state, a space of the deepest mysteries of them all, the place where cells teach each other how to dance with such ease, grace and fluidity, that although we are made of fantasies and will, we emanate a body, a suit so complex, knowing and glorious, so willing to comply with any thought or belief its mate conjures. This space, this non-space, this all-knowing place of pure creativity, pure bliss, this is the mother of The Void. And, although radiantly intangible, its daughter visits us every day. The Void.

I think that one's soul, and life, can be thought of as a chalice, an expandable chalice. Everyone's chalice is uniquely their own in size and age and brittleness and design. No chalice is better than any other, because they are made for a sacred purpose, and each chalice understands that this is a holy task, not one in which dick measuring is going to be acceptable.

Each chalice is perpetually filled. There are spillages, and at times breakages, but the flow remains steady and strong. It is only the chalice which determines how much wine they are able to hold.

The chalice expands when it encounters wine from a certain vintage, a particular county, and the interaction between wine and cup results in an etheric resonance,. There is a memory sparked, perhaps of the same earth they both came from, the quarry and the earth it nestled in for a while. There is a knowing. These are actually bombarding the chalice constantly. The magic, the mystery of it is that the chalice has a consciousness, and if it discovers this, then the recognitions occur with regularity, and the magnitude intensifies with each encounter.

Consider this, however.

DEEPLY AWAKE – TEND TO YOUR PUZZLE

It is such an old saw, and due to its truth, it is a sturdy and predictably apt descriptor of the writing process: we write that which we know.

I've been thinking about writing and the pleasure it affords me. Since my childhood. I have gone from writing poems, essays, short stories, reports, magazine articles, novels and plays to revealing blog entries, and always with the thought that if I can just commercialize my writing, I would have the perfect life. And, just to be clear, I knew, in my soul of souls that the only things holding me back were others... my parents, my job, my temperament, my lovers, my culture.... Until this afternoon.

If The World would ever just get off my back for five minutes, if The World would just cooperate with this genius of mine, then, dammit, I'd be happy. I'd be free. I'd be released from this nightmare.

Imagine my surprise, finding in the fifth decade, not only my voice but an avenue to express it day or night, with the knowledge that in real time, someone might actually read my words and benefit from them, or, better, be amused by them.

DEEPLY AWAKE – SEX, FATNESS, LOVE AND CAREER

First things first. Pleasure is very good. And sexual pleasure? Oh my, that's really good.

It's so good, that people just throw out their common sense to attain it. They do things that will claw at them on their death bed, things that they are too ashamed to admit they did, not even to themselves.

It is a powerful thing, this sexual pleasure.

I've been playing in the crystalline grid's agreement field, manifesting from there, rather than that sickly green, moldy, creaky and infected agreement field I've been hooked into most of my life. While in the space of expansiveness, so rare the last few days, I played like a dolphin, conjuring up my future.

DEEPLY AWAKE – I AM CHANGED

Today, I am reviewing my life these past 9 months, and I feel complete with a few things that before were still being nailed down, still being melded into my being.

I see myself much differently now than before. I do not fear anything. Nothing.

I had a meditation two days ago which changed many things for me. In essence, I learned about the law of return. I did a healing in meditation, totally innate in its breadth and form, surprising in its complexity and mercy, creative and innovative and quite a ride. It was a meditation of absolution, of forgiveness, of pure love for me and everyone, everyone, everyone. And in the end, I stood and said, “I see you. I forgive you. I love you,” to everyone living or dead, connected to me consciously or not, regardless of littlemind stuff like politics or religion. And I got back so much love. Everyone I gave forgiveness and love and encouragement to, did the same to me.

Imagine. I am one person. Sending out as pure a vibration of acceptance and blamelessness and encouragement and love and forgiveness as I am currently able to, and once sent out, everyone who sensed it returned that love to me.

What a gift. What an honor.