Daily Tarot Reading ~ 2/19/13

Three of Pentacles

 It's time that you take matters into your own hand. The blueprint is there, along with the foundation. It's yours to work with. You are an artist. You are unique. No one else can create what you can create, and the world desperately needs your creativity. For inspiration, you do not have to go far. You need only sit quietly and get to know yourself. You, at a very deep level, already know exactly what it is and how to present the final product in the most brilliant way possible. The world needs you, yes you. So get to work. You need not do it alone. There are certain parts of your uniqueness that may require the help of another to bring to light. But, you can do it. You may doubt yourself now, but when you take the time to quiet the mind you will know nothing is impossible.

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If I had to pick a theme of my introspection lately it's pretty much been "How am I not myself?" and that's what I'm going to write about today. I've never fit in much. I've typically been shy, quiet and introverted although that's changed A LOT over the past few years. It's changed the most since I've been able to connect with other like-minded people.

Today, in a meeting at work someone made a comment and said that she thought I would be pretty good at sucking up. At the time, I sort of smiled and shrugged it off while inside of me I wasn't quite sure how to feel. Should I feel offended? Is it a bad thing that people look at me like that? Do a majority of my peers see me that way? I suppose, though, I already have the answer to the last question.

I worked at a ice cream shop in high school (my favorite job hands down. and not just because of endless ice cream. I wish I could be a soda jerk forever...) Anyway, one my coworkers was a cute boy who ended up telling me one day that I tried too hard. Not the same comment, but similar. And you know what, he was right. I did try too hard. I didn't feel like I fit in and therefore I couldn't accept my true nature. I didn't want to be the weird girl so I made every effort possible to try and fit in with the cool crowd. I knew I was different. I thought that it was wrong so I shunned that part of me.

I remember going to the store when I was little and just wondering why everything cost money. I didn't get it! Why couldn't everyone just take what they needed and leave the extra for others? Yes, I was a socialist in my preschool years. Of course that was all buried once I got to school and got "programmed". (IT DIDN'T WORK! I AM AWAKE!)