I don't know what I'm writing when I start this. It has something to do with my heart feeling cold, though.
There's a positive and negative to everything. I haven't been meditating daily, like I know I should. I'm recogizing the differences now. Postive and negative. Dark and light.
When I don't meditate, I'm cold. I know I'm cold. My heart is cold and mine and that's it. I recogize others, but I don't really seeeeee them.
When I do meditate I am warm. I am kind. I am compassionate. I am miserable.
What?
You heard me, I am miserable.
That doesn't make sense.
When I do meditate, I am giggly and I am nice and I am warm, I am so warm. My heart is warm and soft. I wake up in the mornings and cry and cry and cry. I don't want to keep living in this 3D world. The thought of getting out of bed, and going out in 3D rattles me.
So when I don't meditate. I still smile. I'm still kind, but I am hard and cold.
It's not something I think that others notice the way I do. They still see the smile, they still get treated kindly. But not as kindly as they could.
I don't want to venture into that 3D world, but I have to.
When I don't meditate, I can get by. I don't have an aching feeling in my heart, a longing for something better.
What's worse? I'll tell you.
When I don't meditate, there's nothing pushing me. I'm "content", for lack of a better word. I don't realize that aching and longing, it's hidden inside of me. Buried in the layers of density from 3D living to keep it hiding from me, so it's not there to give me that motivation.
I don't want to go out in the 3D world, but I have to. I have to because someday, I won't have to.
Does that make sense?
Good.
