"What Am I Waiting for, God?"
God said:
I hear you. I hear you say:
"Beloved God, how tense I am. Please help me to calm down. I am wound tight like a clock. I alarm myself with my intensity. If only I could let go. What do I think I am doing? And for what? It isn't that I have to hold onto this that is called Life forever, yet I do not have to spend my Life in some kind of panic that I don't even know why I have it or what it's about. Unwind me, dear God. Let me be with You, and be a staunch supporter for You and the Kingdom of Heaven that You spread before us.
"I scatter my gift of love from You and replace it with a huge panic. Well, God, this is a far cry from what I ask of myself and of what You ask of me. I say I want to serve You far and wide, yet I seem to serve You one kind of rue or another.
"With all my heart and determination of will, I want to serve You whipped cream and blueberries and strawberries in beautiful glass bowls that extend beyond the Universe. Instead, I am uptight and serve You stiffened unbending tension raucously. Am I really so misbegotten? Am I all bluster without substance?
"What is it I am trying to do? What am I exploding about? Am I to be a firecracker when I desire to be a well-wisher and peacemaker on Earth? God, what is my difficulty here? Is it too much attention on myself? Do I wear clothes that are too tight?
"God, as I appear to myself now, I am a wild card. There is no accounting for me. There is no accounting for my tension. What is so hard about letting bygones be bygones.
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