Dear Jennifer:  I am ending a long-term relationship and am trying to do it in the best way possible. Even though I am trying to be nice, my partner calls me unreasonable, says that it is all my fault and that I am being mean. I would like to still be friends when it’s over but he has become so demanding that I have had to hire an attorney  and it is all getting out of control How can I end this in a nice way, without being mean?

Jennifer’s Answer:  When we do things for ourselves, others will respond according to their needs and fear. It sounds like your partner is resentful of your actions and is doing his best to show you how angry he is with your decision. You can’t  control his reactions or responses and have to do what is best for you, in spite of them. How important is it to you that he sees you as a ‘nice’ person and what are you willing to do to create that?  The bigger issue for you, though, is how you define being mean or nice.