It can be so suffocating when you feel yourself fenced in by emotions, perspectives, thoughts and beliefs that feel like they are squeezing the lifeforce out of you. Anxiety feels like that. Depression feels like that. Energetic sensitivity to difficult weeks feels like that.
I felt that suffocation early last week, and early this week again, yet even while it was happening it was almost like being outside of myself looking in.
Being aware of your old beliefs, doing decades of inner work, even being in a position where you teach others, doesn't mean you are immune from your own crap. It still comes up. The main difference is, when it does come up you are fully aware that you have pressed play on an old movie that you are certain went to the scrap heap a while ago. Only here's another reel of it! Surprise!
Sometimes the wave is mild, other times (as many experienced this past week), it is a high-pressure system that comes out of nowhere. And we are often so hard on ourselves the more 'aware' we are because we think 'why am I back to feeling like this right now?"